After so many years of almost completely ignoring humanity's most recent hair-brained scheme also known as the "internet", we've finally decided to boldly go where everyone else seems to have gone before and create our very own official website! Although, we have had an internet presence for a number of years, most notably our webstore which was designed by Buriedinhell's very own Zencart guru; the beautiful and talented Mistress Priscila, now you'll have a starting point in which to navigate all of the detestable things that Buriedinhell Records has to offer.
In order to achieve this giant leap forward, we commissioned the incredible talents of Mr. Hal Rotter of Rotting Graphics! We asked him to flap that beard, shake them dreads and cast his coding spells and ancient skills of design wizardry into the mainframe of the old Buriedinhell Blogspot page and here's the majestic end result. Aside from being a demonic webmaster wizard of antiquity, Hal is also an absolutely killer artist, so be sure to check out his work and consider one of his creations to represent your next project by visiting his facebook site linked above.
At first glance you should have already noticed how simple it is to navigate the new site. You should now understand the moist feeling in your pants and rare upward curvature of your lips as you discover new ways to ruin all of your humanish senses (yes, we've licked our vinyl and cds and find them quite delicious and strangely arousing as well). We've added some exciting features like...
An "Upcoming Show" calendar which also features a "Flyer Archive" so you can see how our photoshop and design skills have progressed and which insanely awesome past Buriedinhell shows that you missed while sitting at home with your thumb up your ass. Yes, we have surveillance EVERYWHERE and we've seen you — Gross!
There's also an "About/Contact" section so you can get a hold of us and submit your band's recording properly or ask us a question about the ordering process or your current order's status. You can also learn about Buriedinhell Records throughout history. Was that really Lee Harvey Oswald's buddy seen on the grassy knoll? Or was it a US Government sniper? NO STUPID! It was Buriedinhell Records, of course...DUH!
The new site also has beautiful "drop down" menus when you "mouse over" the "Releases" and "Distro" features. Now you can quickly search our label or distribution catalog with just a couple of clicks. Dare we say, SHANZY?! Well, you might not be impressed that we've finally journeyed into the "golden years" of the interwebs, but our Mothers think we are cool and that's all that matters!
And for our capitalist bastard cohort store owners and peddlers who pimp out our scene for the benefit of stockpiling dollars in overseas bank accounts while championing the "one percent" hierarchy, there is a convenient "Wholesale" button so you can avoid that pesky human aspect of the business world that we know you truly despise (hows that for a run-on sentence? High school English teachers be damned!).
Finally, we are also overjoyed to have joined forces with some good friends in the Sacramento underground punk and metal scene to help bring you the Godless Noise Web Zine. This site takes you beyond the gates of the Buriedinhell empire and delves into the seedy, pus-bubbled-pimple ridden underbelly of the worldwide headbanger / punk rocker takeover conspiracy. Not only is this Zine a killer way to squander your employer's bankroll while surfing the web for hours on end, you'll soon be able to enjoy the Zine in a newsprint format. Toilet paper back-up or ancient cryptic reading medium — You decide! We're so excited about Godless Noise that we actually considered squeezing our own rosy cheeks until they gushed blood, but then we came to what's left of our senses and decided that we'd reserve that for the children instead, like always...
Now, go forth and pillage and plunder in the name of the unholy ruler of everything created and uncreated. We know you're thinking, Charles Bukowski, but we (with the utmost respect and love) think that if hell actually existed, it would be conquered by much more devilish and despicable individuals, like the heads of advertising and marketing at Scion.
See you in hell...
Kennethfuckinghoffman
